Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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