I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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