dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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