No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
