thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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