Too much gin, very little bucket
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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