We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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