i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
