he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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