I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
