So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
