he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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