I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
