just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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