Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
