Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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