It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
