She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
