would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
