i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
