last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
