GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
