This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
