I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
