Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
