Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
we're so committed to being not committed
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