wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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