he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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