i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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