sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
