based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
