Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
