what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
