First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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