WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
