Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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