Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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