He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
4 words: hood of his car
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
