In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
