Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
