So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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