goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
