look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
