I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
