Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
