I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize