He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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