So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
