You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
