Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
