I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
