never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
