i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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