I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just threw up on my dentist
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
