Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
