I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
