I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
