Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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