i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
