I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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