there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
