someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
