you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
