why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
