Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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