bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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