Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
