Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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