there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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