Quick, to the slutcave!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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