I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
