would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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