I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
