so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize