I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
