I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
