Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
