Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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