I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
