Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
