Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
