Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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