Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
