none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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