Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
