You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
