Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize