Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
