I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
no, he came in my armpit
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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