I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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