just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
