Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So squirting runs in the family.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
