You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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