well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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