so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
