I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
