I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
