If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize